11/19/17 Walking On Water

(I’ve written a few entries that I neglected to post here but I’m attempting to catch up.)



Yesterday I saw what I’m supposed to believe was an alien. I don’t normally have time for the supernatural but I guess I have no choice but to ponder life’s existential mysteries now.


Yesterday a man walked on water in the park. IS THIS THE SECOND COMING? Most people though it was a trick of the eye somehow. I took my phone out right away because he looked odd standing on the water and long story short it was perfect for instagram. As I was snapping pictures the man began to radiate light. He glowed orange but not a dull orange think of maybe a sunset? I’m not sure if that’s useful or just cliche or cliche and useful but all you really need to get from this is that he was glowing (which he shouldn’t have been?) and he was glowing orange (which he couldn’t have been??).


The air around this man pulsed and became heavy. I felt like I was beginning to make out shapes in his light. I watched them tangle around him like they were alive. Suddenly I was quite frightened to be breathing that sme air which could apparently wrap and tangle and wriggle like something, but not like anything, I had seen before.


Other than the fact that this man was floating and emitting light he looked exhaustingly ordinary. Like a stock photo model or something.  Instead of telling you how he looked I’d rather tell you how I wish the first alien anthropologist (or whatever) to be discovered on earth looked. He should have had dark scaly shoes with a pointed toe. He would wear no socks. He should have worn black skin tight suede pants and a sweater so long it could be a dress. His hair should have been long enough to touch his butt and tied into one big braid. He would have started out with skin but as he began to glow it would become transparent and the light would emanate from his veins. I don’t think he would need eyes so if he had them he could pluck them out. His ribs would be one big bat ear and as his body stood floating above the water they would grow till they became his most prominent feature. And they would be quite striking indeed, all white and always glistening as if they were constantly coated in oil, enough to make any ivory hunter swoon I’m sure. It would’ve emitted a shrill high pitched screech that we would have interpreted to mean “YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED TO EXIST. I AM NOT YOUR ALLY” Only of course we wouldn’t know for sure that was what he was saying but because of the language barrier nobody would be able to conclusively say that he hadn’t said anything one way or the other.


That would have been how I directed the earth’s first alien encounter. Instead however this glowing man was just a man and all he did was begin to speak in plain English. Although if you had asked anyone who spoke anything else they’d say that wasn’t the case. He was instantly understood in any and every language. He said to us:


“Lend me your ear man. I don’t mean any harm although I invite you to try to harm me I mean what else could be more human.” There was a break here where nobody moved. “Fair enough. First of all I am not Jesus. He is dead. You really killed him. Death is not an end or beginning for you but he was not like you, he could not remain here after he was killed. Basically I’m here to tell you to check out my movie. It’s on Vimeo. I know what you’re probably thinking. Indie movies are hit or miss right but I’m sure you’ll enjoy this. Also follow me on i.g. username @LikeJesusButCooler”


So when I got home I promptly posted the pictures and then followed him only to realize that he’s been posting stuff like this for like forever. He’s walked on water in all the major cities. Honestly I was really annoyed, I thought I was the first person to hear about this. I posted the pictures I took anyway and they got like 4 likes. (Thinking of quitting ig soon maybe.)


Anyway that was yesterday. Last night I dreamt of being a child in the woods. I was not alone. My sister (I think) and I ran through clover patches in search of 4 leafed clovers. Those we found we dropped wine glasses over so that we might protect them. I woke up feeling inadequately innocent and nowhere near joyful enough.


Later today I will try to walk on water.

Screen Shot 2018-01-22 at 6.02.58 PM

“Walking on water is at times used as an example of an impossible task. The phrase is widely used to refer to the performance of extraordinary tasks, as in the titles of books that aim to show individuals how to break through their personal limitations and achieve dramatic success.”




I have no personal limitations because in my pursuit of fully actualized personhood I refuse to bar any experience from my life’s realm of possibility. That being said surely there must be some way for me to perform extraordinary tasks still. Maybe I should take up alchemy and turn water into vodka.


Speaking of vodka (and I never wrote about this because, and I know it’s terrible but, I am so inconsistent with these journal entries) but I got like black out drunk again and Jesus. Nothing too weird happened.  The usual friends nothing frisky but I definitely got way sicker than usual. I will probably never drink again I think. Although when I said this I was immediately told that I was “just” saying it and indeed I was.  I can say it and it doesn’t matter if I mean it or not because no matter what only right now really matters and right now it’s still very much true because it’s not yet false. (I don’t really believe in the now but I need to so I talk about it a lot.)






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